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Old 02-16-2008, 04:40 PM
Flycoon Flycoon is offline
Steven Stamkos' One Timer
 
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Posts: 5,577
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RESUME

GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine, in 1976 for
driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and
had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record
has been "lost" and is not available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I
refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use.
By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty
in Vietnam.

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I
was a cheerleader.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.

I began my career in the oil business in Midland Texas ,
in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart
deal that took land using taxpayer money.

With the help of my father and our friends in the oil
industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected governor of Texas.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS:

I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil
companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During my
tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in
America.

I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the
tune of billions in borrowed money.

I set the record for the most executions by any governor
in American history.

With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida ,
and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President of
the United States, after losing by over 500,000 votes.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office
with a criminal record.

I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing
cost of over one billion dollars per week.

I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the
U.S. Treasury.

I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in
U.S. history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a
12-month period.

I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the
history of the U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2
million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.

I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest
of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire,"
Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.

I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by
a U.S. President.

I am the all-time U.S. and world record -holder for
receiving the most corporate campaign donations.

My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my
best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history, Enron.

My political party used Enron private jets and corporate
attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my
election decision.

I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton
against investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I
presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S.
history.

I changed the U.S. policy to allow convict ed criminals
to be awarded government contracts.

I appointed more convicted criminals to my
administration than any President in U.S. history.

I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.

I've broken more international treaties than any
President in U.S. history.

I am the first President in U.S. history to have the
United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.

I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. "prisoners
of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
Convention.

I am the first President in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).

I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences
of any President since the advent of television.

I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in
any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I
presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.

I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U.S. after the
World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the
most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in
world history.

I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide
to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of
mankind.

I am the first President in U.S. history to order an
unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a
sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the
majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.

I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families
in wartime.

In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our
reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British
friends.

I am the first President in history to have a majority
of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world
peace and security.

I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical
Bunker Buster," a WMD.

I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama
Bin Laden to justice.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in
my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.

All records of SEC investigations into my insider
trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public view.

All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in
secrecy and unavailable for public review. I specified that my sealed
documents will not be available for 50 years.

Dirty deeds done, but NOT dirt cheap.
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  #2  
Old 02-16-2008, 05:58 PM
WaiverWire
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Please, not here



:closed_2:
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  #3  
Old 02-16-2008, 05:59 PM
the_narrow_way's Avatar
the_narrow_way the_narrow_way is offline
Cooper's Law
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Sarasota, FL
Posts: 4,874
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:evil:
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  #4  
Old 02-16-2008, 07:07 PM
Avery86's Avatar
Avery86 Avery86 is offline
Cooper's Law
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 4,963
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WaiverWire View Post
Please, not here



:closed_2:
It is in the "OT" portion of the board. Can't fault that.
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